Vintage Red

Dear Vogue,
I know that everyone is super excited about your Fall line. I personally believe, that after looking at your new patterns, you have single-handily crushed my dreams for my favorite wardrobe season. And I'm really not cool with that. Let's see a few examples of your poor taste shall we?

Exhibit A:
It is NOT Hammer Time. So put DOWN the parachute material and let's think about this rationally. (Please note this very useful equation when making important Fall Pattern decisions.)



Exhibit B:
If I wanted to look preggers, I would get preggers. Why you feel the need to strategically place gathers in a dress so that it will give the appearance of  pregnancy, is beyond me. Hasn't my boyfriend been through enough just by dating me? Does he need to be scared to death? 

Exhibit C:
Poison and Scorpion called, they want their pants back, they've been looking for them everywhere.



Exhibit D:
I don't even want to talk about what's wrong with this. But I'm pretty sure even Sarah Jessica Parker wouldn't wear this (I'm so going to regret saying that, she is totally going to wear it to an event, sigh, oh Sarah...)


Now Vogue, I don't think I need to continue on about my feelings towards your new line. I mean, everyone has an off design or two, you can't please everyone, they can't all be winners...blah blah. I also understand, from my internet browsing, that I am in the minority on most of these problems I have, and I'm OK with that. All I ask is that you please stop encouraging the young and annoying fashionistas of the world who are bringin' it back old school 80s/90s style.

I know I know, I was not above reproach several decades ago when I was rockin' the big hair, side pony, baggy Bon Jovi t-shirt, and stirrup pants. But I would like to point out that in the mid-90s (snort) I packed that up and sent it where all bad fashion goes to die, in exchange for leggings and an oversize plaid button down shirt, just like everyone else did. I never dreamed, even for one moment, that it would ever be regurgitated back at me some 30 years later to relive the horror.  I left that 80s garb in the time capsule of yearbooks and unburned pictures where it belongs. (except the Bon Jovi shirt, come on it was a tour shirt! It will totally be worth something someday, possibly)

Vogue, we left the 80s and early 90s right where we left them for a reason, a really good reason might I add, and you too will look back on these designs and say what I'm saying to you right now, W. T. F.

Your Biggest Fan,
Carisa